Good Grief

The inexpressible exhaustion, my tender breasts, my swollen midsection, the nightly bouts of nausea, and 6 positive tests told the tale of a life that was just a breath (because it was so surreal that I didn't believe the first 5 tests were accurate haha).

One of the most exciting moments of my life was coupled with one of the most devastating experiences of my life. At only a few weeks pregnant, I experienced a spontaneous miscarriage. My heart broke for a little life that was fleeting. It may not have been real to the world yet, but it was real to me. I may not have heard the heartbeat yet, but it already stole my heart.

The morning my doctor called to confirm my hormone levels were dropping and I was losing my baby, one of my students came to my classroom sobbing. Unbeknownst to her, she explained that she terminated a pregnancy over the summer, and that day should have been her due date. I could do nothing but cry with her, and share in the pain of never getting to know the little lives we longed to see.

The truth is, the moment you conceive, you become a mother. No matter how long that pregnancy lasted, or whatever the form of that loss, the anguish felt in that baby's absence is still real. 

Don't rationalize that because someone else was further along in their pregnancy, or someone else delivered a still birth, or you decided to terminate your pregnancy, that the anguish you are experiencing is less painful than someone else's.

The bible says that "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy" (Proverbs 14:10).

So don't minimize your pain in comparison to someone else's. (& I'm not just talking pregnancy stuff) What happened to you still sucks. Your pain is still real. Your reason to grieve is still valid.

I know some of you may be reading this and thinking... why the heck is she airing her personal life on a public forum? I know I'm leaving myself open to judgment from people who don't know all the details. I know I'm leaving myself vulnerable to people who may not know how to respond to me now. I know I'll have family & friends texting/calling in reprimand, upset that they are finding out through a public post. I can only hope that one woman out there that is suffering silently now knows that she is not alone in her experience.

Miscarriages have a shameful stigma. There's thoughts attached that something is wrong with you as a woman. The reality is that it happens... Often. An estimated 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. That is one out of every five pregnancies... and though it is a commonplace, people don't talk about it often enough. They suffer silently... because they feel shame or embarrassed or alone.

It was only until I began talking about it that I realized that the statistic is not far-fetched. I get it, it's hard topics like these that are uncomfortable to talk about. Oh how I wish it were talked about more though.

I struggled with the thought that it was somehow MY fault. I wondered if I jinxed myself the day I saw that positive test for the first time and screamed out in a mixture of excitement & terror... "OMG I can't have a September baby!" (because I was thinking about how it would suck as a teacher to miss the beginning of a school year) I questioned whether or not I could have kids and if there was something wrong with me (even though my doctor insists I'm perfectly healthy). I wondered whether I was being punished for some sin or not being the best wife. So many thoughts consumed me... until other women that God placed in my path opened up and shared their experiences with me, and validated that they too had many of those very same fears... & went on to have beautiful, healthy kids.

Hearing other people's stories made me feel less isolated in my experience, and helped speed along my healing process. 

God's faithfulness has truly been magnified through this process in my life and my marriage now more than ever before. The same way a magnifying glass doesn't change an object's size, but makes it appear bigger... this loss has put into perspective how good and how close God is. It's also magnified my faith and who I really am.

Am I still sad? Yes. Does it still hurt? I have my moments. Do I still have irrational worries? I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But one thing I am sure of is this...In death, in life, I'm confident and covered by the power of His great love.

I don't get to choose my story, but I do get to tell it. So here it is folks... Naked & Not Ashamed.

From this day forward. I DO.

A little over a year ago, I was inspired to begin blogging. I have kept track of my audience statistics of course, as every new blogger surely does, and I have noticed a trend. The few times that I've posted about my relationship, there's a significant jump in readers. Like the post about how Mike pursued me for TWO years or the one where my wedding day was absolutely CHAOTIC... Those two posts in particular received So. Much. Love.

I've concluded... People love 'LOVE.'

People are hopeful that it exists.

AND... people are even more hopeful that it can last.

Take my High School students, for example, whom often post cute pictures of Beyoncé & JayZ or Kim & Kanye captioned #relationshipgoals. If John Legend & his gorgeous wife didn't make it after the numerous love songs inspired by her, people would be devastated. When Robin Thicke cheated on the beautiful Paula Patton last year after 22 years together, fans were outraged. Romance novelist extraordinaire, Nicolas Sparks, separates from wife after 25 years recently, and doesn't it feel like all hope is lost? Cummon, you've seen The Notebook... til death do you part, right?!

With people's "perfect-looking relationships" being mainstreamed just about daily through social media, the racy romance novels we read, and the sexually-charged chick flicks and reality TV shows we watch... our perception of marriage becomes easily and obviously skewed, and we lose sight of what should be the sanctity of marriage... and it affects the way we think about and behave within our own relationships.

Here's something I've learned in the short (but long) 4 ½ years we've been married... Relationships ebb and flow... and it's ok & it's perfectly normal. Not just marriages-- I'm talking all relationships-- siblings, best friends, colleagues, etc. I bet you can't name ONE relationship in your life that has been completely constant and perfect.

There will be moments of transition, moments of growth, moments of pure joy, moments of difficult decisions, moments of intense passion, moments of immense pain, moments you're inseparable, moments you just want your space, moments of absolute boredom, and others of absolute bliss.

There are different seasons in a relationship, and just like in real life, you have to prepare for each and proceed accordingly. You don't wear shorts and flip-flops in the winter (unless you do & you're dumb)... you'd freeze. You don't move on to the next person to satisfy you and fill a void (unless you do & you're dumb)... you'd fail.

As I approach 30, many of my friends are getting married. Their choice of Instagram captions are almost always...."I can't wait until the day we say 'I Do!'" (How many times have you read that?!)

Here's what they will soon realize: they will wake up and have to choose to say "I DO" daily; when the butterflies start to fade, when the wrinkles begin to appear, when the muffin tops begin to protrude, when the hairlines begin to recede, when the tits begin to sag, when the hurtful words have been said that can't be taken back... and when the sexiness of marriage begins to lose its luster... It's from THAT day forward, for all the days of your life, that you need to say 'I DO.'

My handsome husband recently officiated my cousin's wedding, and we searched the Internet for the best vows for them to repeat after him. None seemed good enough to me.


Here are the traditional ones:

[Bride/Groom's name], do you take [Groom/Bride's name] to be your wedded wife/husband, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love them, comfort them, honor and keep them for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, being faithful only to them, for as long as you both shall live?

I would love to add to those vows:

Do you promise to not blame each other when you experience financial crisis, and work together to get through it? Do you promise to grieve together, pray together, and move forward together when you experience a miscarriage or the loss of a child, and extend GRACE to each other through difficult moments like that? Do you promise to parent together, even when, & especially if, your child is born with special needs, and the pressure may become too much to bear sometimes?

Do you promise to do what it takes to reignite the flame between us when life begins to feel routine, and another person sparks a sudden interest? Do you promise to practice restraint when that other man/woman comes along that you have a natural affinity with, that might have a quality your spouse doesn’t have, and not give in to your attraction for that other person? 

Do you promise to not be lured by the temptation of watching pornography, to not compare your spouse or your sex life to the women on television, and to not fantasize about that photoshopped-looking celebrity? (Men and women alike can agree The Rock is the only exception from that one because well...have you seen him?!) Do you promise to delete your Facebook, cut out relationships, or take other extreme precautions when temptation becomes too strong? 

Do you promise to grow some balls, and admit the ugly truth about yourself to your spouse with intentions to build trust, bring freedom, and break strongholds? (this includes you too, women...not that growing actual balls would help your marriage.) Do you promise to extend grace and forgiveness when you find out an ugly truth about your spouse that you never expected?

Do you promise to talk about him/her with the utmost respect when you're tempted to bitch & complain about them? Do you promise to try and talk through things that aren't worth big arguments, and resist nagging constantly about things like the socks on the floor or dishes in the sink? Do you promise to kick them in their sleep when they're snoring too loud... instead of suffocating them like you really want to? 

Do you promise to recognize that even though this is one of the toughest jobs ever, it is also the best job ever? (Wisdom from Hugo) Do you promise to spend time together-- unadulterated, undistracted, undiluted time together without taking pictures every second and posting them for the world to see that you're "enjoying" yourself? Do you promise to be present in every moment, and recognize in those moments that you are lucky you have chosen to love and serve and do life with your husband/wife for as long as you both shall live? 

“I DO!"

Real Love... Raw Love... is Patient… and kind… It doesn’t dishonor others & isn’t self-seeking. It isn’t easily angered & keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love is a choice beyond what you may be feeling at the moment.

It’s full of forgiveness and grace, not to be taken advantage of, but to be extended and available. So extend YOURSELF some forgiveness & grace... extend your spouse some forgiveness & grace... and CHOOSE to DO. Daily. From THIS day forward... all the days of your life, for as long as you both shall live.

Why I Love You

When I woke up on the morning of October 22nd, 2004, 

my 16 year old self had NO idea that my life would forever be altered.

Ten years ago today, I met the Love of my Life-- Jesus.

Nine years ago today, I wrote this poem:

WHY I LOVE YOU
If someone asked me why I love You so much,

What would my response be?

I could try to preach or testify

of "What the Lord has done for me!"

I could tell how you came and saved me from drugs,
sex, alcohol, lies-- Made beauty from tragedy!

I could tell of your miracles; the wonders & signs,

How you physically healed me and set me free.

I could tell of Your joy and Your peace and Your love,

All that moved me to seek Your face.

I could tell of Your holiness, Your justice, Your word, 

How I received undeserved mercy and grace.

Yes Lord, I love You for all of Your promises;

For all You will do and all You've done.

& yes God, I'm grateful and eternally indebted

for Your love, for the Cross, for Your Son.

But my love for you is even greater still--

More than how You've changed me and brought me so far.

God, I love you because there's none more real in my life-

Lord, I just love You for who You are.

A Relentless Pursuit

I was 15 years old when I walked into El Gran Yo Soy Ministerio/The Great I Am Ministry high with my 'then' boyfriend. No, I'm not saying HI to you. I did, in fact, say that I walked into church high. I remember thinking, in my altered state of mind, that a certain bass player on stage, wearing a yellow button down shirt was quite good looking.

I walked into that small family church, and after an entire year of singing the songs from the projector screen and listening to the pastor yelling in Spanish about something I did not understand, I had a life-changing encounter with Jesus. This post is specific to my "love story" with my hubs, so I will tell you all about my lifestyle change and how I went from a little pothead punk to a Jesus-loving woman in another post.

When I gave my life to Christ, I felt like I had the cure to cancer or something equally incredible. I just had to share my faith with everyone and anyone who would listen. All of my friends in my senior year of High School knew that I had become a completely different person on the inside, although I still looked like a typical NewYorrican teenager on the outside-- with my hair cow-licked to the side, a bun as big as my head, and big door-knocker bamboo earrings. (oh, yes I did!) Anyway, as I shared my faith, my friends became curious about this God that was clearly changing that once angry, rebellious girl into someone completely different...so they started to come to church with me. My youth pastors thought it a wise idea to have this handsome, Jesus-loving, bass playing, pastor's son start a bible study every Friday night in my living room to teach all of these ghetto teenagers that were coming with me more about our faith.

So every Friday, about 20 teenagers crowded into my parent's living room, and we were able to see lives transformed. Our friendship developed into something really constant and pure. Mike has always been the ultimate gentleman. After a few years of hanging out as friends, he began to pursue me further. Although I found him attractive, I made every excuse not to allow myself to feel the emotions that were stirring within me. I couldn't like Mike! He was the pastor's eldest son. He grew up in church, never smoked weed, and never did any of the idiotic things I did as a teen. Every other girl in our youth ministry was obviously a better option. They were all virgins. They were all sweet. They were all worthy of a good man. I, on the other hand, was the girl with the big mouth, strong opinions, and tainted past. I wasn't good enough for him. Or that's what I thought.

I couldn't allow myself to like Mike for other reasons as well. Friendships would be compromised. People wouldn't agree. Although we saw each other four to five times a week, I kept him at arms distance and wouldn't let him break through the wall I had built around my fragile heart.  

My parents and my sister saw something that I refused to see. They HELPED him win my affections. My sister gave him the address to my job and told him what my favorite flowers were. Yellow roses. Just about the only flowers I actually like. I hate flowers. & I sure as hell didn't need a man to buy me any. I could buy my own flowers!

My dad invited him to sleep over our house for the Fourth of July weekend in 2006. Seriously?! That night we had our first kiss... awww sweet right? While it lasted. After that weekend, I ignored him for another 2 years. Not 2 weeks. Not 2 months... TWO YEARS!

The more he pursued me, the more I resisted. The more he insisted, the more I rejected. I wasn't trying to play hard to get, I was seriously battling within myself. All I knew were men who cheated, men who battled with addictions, men who were self seeking, men who wanted nothing deeper than sex. How challenging to think that there was something better out there and that I deserved it?

After years of shutting him down, things started to awaken in me. I started dating this other man who was a genuinely great guy. He wined and dined me, and treated me like I should be treated. When I would hang with that man, all I could think about was Mike. I realized that we developed a friendship that was unmatched during all those Friday night bible studies at my house. 

Mike was the man that watched me grow from the immature little punk into the 'kinda mature' woman I am today. haha. He witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly in my family, and still loved and accepted me (and them) the way we were... and he shockingly wanted to be around our dysfunction. I could eat in front of him without reservation. I could cry in front of him without embarrassment. I could laugh in front of him without suppressing it. I could be me... completely...and he loved me exactly the way I was --well the way I am-- with my crazy family, my strong character, my big dreams, and all of my faults. He never tried to belittle me, never tried to rush me, and never tried to change me. He empowered me and encouraged me, and I simply wanted to be a better woman whenever I was with him.

He pursued relentlessly... and eventually won my heart.

Now, our relationship is not perfect, by any means. We have hit some roadblocks in our marriage and have had to intentionally work together to work through them. We have had to remind ourselves that love is a commitment beyond feelings. I still expect to be pursued by my husband, and he expects the spontaneous woman he married four years ago.

MEN-- you see a woman you like? Don't expect her to be perfect. Don't expect her to be like your mom. Just love her the way she is. Pursue her. Stop playing these silly little pride games, that you won't text or call her first because you think she should make a move too and show you she cares. Get over yourself. A woman is a prize to be won. Once you have her, don't stop pursuing.The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

WOMEN-- know your value! Don't settle for less than you deserve, and don't ever think you deserve less than the best. Set your standards high, and DO NOT compromise certain things because you are desperate or lonely. Don't worry about what others will think, but do take into consideration what those closest to you think. They see the bigger picture sometimes. Sometimes our loved ones see unhealthy relationships forming and we get defensive because we are blinded by love. Other times, like in my case, they see what's best for you, when you can't see it for yourself. 

That's all for now. There's so much more to that story, but I tried to condense it as best as I could. Today is our four year anniversary... we are on vacation...and I'm logging out..but first I will leave you with a favorite quote:

We can't live unaffected by love.

We're most alive when we find it,

Most devastated when we lose it,

Most empty when we give up on it,

Most inhumane when we betray it,

& most passionate when we pursue it.

-Erwin Raphael McManus, 'Soul Cravings'

Church in the Wild // Church on the Beach: East Hampton's Edition

All photos property of Cosita Studios.

If you can make it through these few short paragraphs, you can enjoy photos of our East Hampton's trip.

When some people think of church, they think of a place where you go to pay some religious dues. A place where people are stoic and bland. Some social club where people have limited abilities to socialize. A place where someone will look at you differently if you look differently.

To me, church isn't a religious duty; it's not a steeple or an altar filled with candles and statues. It's not an Easter Sunday or Christmas Eve ritual, and it's not a chore. Church definitely ain't  a chore.

Church is a gathering of believers with the purpose of encouraging, edifying, and empowering each other. Church is a place where the name of Jesus is lifted up. I attend a church in Manhattan, New York called Hillsong NYC. It has the reputation of being a "cool church" that attracts young adults and has a hipster vibe. Oh, but it's so much more than that! When talking about outsider's perspectives of our church, my friend Hugo so well said, "Oftentimes, other churches and people try to mimic the surface of Hillsong Church but don't quite get the heart of it. The coolness factor is just a bonus. It's the cherry on top of everything." 

Hillsong, as a global church, places value on the importance of loving God, loving people, and loving life. 

Simple enough, huh? Yes, but I've witnessed many Christians who love God, yet don't really know how to LOVE people...and I mean REALLY love people. Or they don't seem to enjoy life. They spend every waking moment within the confines of the four walls of a building, that they miss out on the life that they were given to live abundantly.

In an earlier blog post, I shared that the year Mike and I got married (2010), was one of the most difficult years of my life. In the beginning of 2011, we began attending Hillsong NYC Church and immediately found refuge, and healing, and acceptance, and HOME. 

Over  the last 4 years, I've had the honor and privilege of loving God and loving life alongside some of the most amazing people that are so dang good... at loving people. We went to a couples Connect Group in the UWS of Manhattan weekly from 2011-2013, and built rare and unparalleled relationships with some genuinely incredible people. I've learned more about love and leadership from these people in such a short amount of time than I ever could have elsewhere. 

Last month, five of us couples decided to enjoy a weekend getaway in East Hampton. 

(in no way was this trip endorsed by our church. It was merely a family/friend vacay)

We entertained ourselves through some competitive game nights.

We took some time to encourage one another and share with this wonderful family how much their leadership has impacted us all.

Some of the best moments were family meal times. 

The 10 (& a half) of us sitting around that table meant for 6... 

...eating...drinking...laughing...crying...praying...laughing some more...

During breakfast...

lunch...

& dinner!

Fun fact about me: The beach is my very favorite place in the entire world.

S I S T E R H O O D
How refreshing it is to have female relationships that aren't catty or plagued with gossip & jealousy! My friends are all women who are wise & beautiful & encouraging & selfless & talented & intelligent & I could go on forever...

& I feel I should note how much I love each one of these guys like the brothers I never had. They each exemplify Jesus in the way they communicate with their wives, the way they communicate with each other, and even the way they communicate with other women. If only more men were like this bunch... 

(too bad they're all taken)

Lastly, a weekend away was just what we needed to take a break from work & grad school & every day routines to not only enjoy time with our friends, but enjoy time with  each other! I'm learning how important it is to prioritize your marriage. It is work, but you reap the greatest rewards when you do. Life is just that much sweeter when you really enjoy the person you sleep next to every night!

Can I encourage you for a second? If you're not planted in a healthy local church, and you are not building relationships with people who are challenging you and inspiring to grow in every area of your life, and you don't know the fullness of joy that is in Jesus...I encourage you to find a church! 

The last thing church is not...church ain't boring y'all! 

& if you don't know, now you know...

#finishthatbasement

"Our singular, all-consuming passion is to build God's Church and Kingdom on the earth, and see everyday people released into their purpose and calling. We believe in people - we believe in their potential and we believe in their amazing capacity to influence the world with good." 

-Brian & Bobbie Houston (Senior Pastors of Hillsong Church)

Wedding Woes (A Valentine's Day Post)

My wedding day was one of the most memorable days of my life. It was beautiful. It was full of happiness and love and laughter and family... It was also chaotic. Most people say the same about theirs right? Maybe, but I mean... Mine was full on CHAOTIC! From the moment I woke up, everything went awry. Let me try my best to set the stage for you all:

Ok, so first of all, I think I should start off by admitting that I am THE biggest procrastinator you will ever meet in your life. I like to rationalize that I work best under pressure, but if I'm honest with myself, and you all... it's just an excuse to justify myself each time. So, in light of this gift of waiting until the last minute, I wrote my vows at approximately 3am the morning of my wedding. (I know...very risky!) When I woke up-- if I ever really went to sleep that night with all the fluttering in my stomach-- my house was filled with a bunch of loud Puerto Ricans trying to appear calm. (impossible!) With a mixture of fatigue and overwhelming excitement, I vowed that nothing would interrupt the joy I felt on this special day.

The smell of steak filled the house, and I knew that my dad was doing what he does best-- making breakfast! As I devoured those steak and eggs (no nerves could ever keep me from eating...ever), the background noise was the sound of my mom cursing my dad out because her egg yokes were overcooked... or something equally ridiculous. Now before I continue sharing the occurrences of this day, I feel like I need to prevent you from getting the wrong idea. (I also want to prevent an ass-whupping, as my mom reads my blog)

Disclaimer: My mom was the BEST support during the entire wedding planning process. She is a nurse, and so even under the most trying of situations, she is usually the most levelheaded person I know --until July 3, 2010-- when she became completely undone and transformed into the biggest psychopath ever. (sorry ma!)

Ok so to try and condense this, I'll list ONLY 5 crazy pre-wedding ceremony events:

1-- The Freakin' Favors: 

My mom & I made DIY party favors-- CDs with songs that Mike and I chose to describe our relationship since we both share a love for music. On the morning of the wedding, I decided to play one to set the mood while getting my hair done. Drum roll please....the CD was blank!!! We forgot to burn the playlist on almost half of the favors. Too late! I just laughed, and we ended up putting all of the CD's, both blank and finished, out on the table for guests and never said a thing. So if you're reading this, and you were one of our guests who ended up with a blank CD, at least the pictures on the front cover were nice! haha! (also, I still have a few extras if you'd like...4 years later)

2-- Hair Hell: 

My hairstylist couldn't get my hair to look the way she did during our trial run (something about my hair being TOO clean). My aunt became frustrated with her and cursed her out. Like full-on cursed her out. If I remember correctly, she said something along the lines of "F%&#ing get it together and do my niece's hair the way she wants it!" The poor woman looked like she was going to cry! I'll admit, I was beyond grateful for my aunt coming to my rescue though because no bride wants to walk down the aisle in a hairstyle she hates. 

(Thanks Titi! Most of my wedding wouldn't have gone as smoothly without you --or most of my life for that matter-- Remember the Bacardi in the water bottle incident when I was 15? You've always been my lifesaver! Haha)

3-- BFFs, Beaches & Blisters: 

My best friend decided to go to the beach and get sun poisoning days before my wedding. She was one of my bridesmaids, and ended up with a huge blister on her lip for the wedding photos. (Oh, Cosita!)

4-- Car Crisis: 

I chose a scenic location that was about a 2 hour drive from the concrete jungle. I have a hispanic family, so I prepared for latenesses by making the invitation time two hours before I actually intended on walking down the aisle. (I know, brilliant, right!?) I loved my venue! (the website just doesn't do it justice!) 

Well our wedding was on a Fourth of July weekend. There was traffic galore... and could you believe we got into a car accident?! As if that wasn't enough, my mom started cursing my dad out for the umpteenth time... when for once, it wasn't his fault (refer to the Disclaimer). My aunt was tired of the arguing --again, came to my defense-- & cursed both of my parents out while hysterically crying. My sister and I shared sideways glances and smirks throughout the ride. Everyone remained silent for the remainder of our travel, with the exception of the delightful sounds of one of my closest friends throwing up the whole two hours. I had to hold her hair back as she gagged her life away into a plastic bag.

5-- Subtle Squabbles: 

At the wedding, there were unspoken tensions between this person and that person... dirty looks flying from this side of the room to that side of the room... (Please tell me I'm not the only one with silly family drama? haha)

The list could go on for days.. We ended up with ZERO pictures with my grandmother and my Padrino, two of the most influential people in my life. I missed the Ice-Cream Bar that I was SO looking forward to. My flower girls sat through the ceremony eating the rose petals from their baskets (There's video proof of this). It was only the hottest day of the year, and I was sweating profusely under that dress.

I couldn't make these things up even if I wanted to!  

A real bridezilla would have flipped out.

I know that people often get the wrong idea about me... girlie-girl? high maintenance? materialistic? (Far from it!) Yes, I like nice stuff, but let's just say, I bought the first dress I tried on, picked the first venue I saw in the middle of nowhere, chose the first caterer we called, decided on the first bouquet my florist created, and ordered the first cake we tasted. I mean, who cares about those little details? I didn't... but everything came out BEAUTIFUL! (at least Mike and I thought so...and that's all that really matters) 

All the things that went wrong on our wedding day made it all the more memorable, and we have so much to look back and laugh at!

Amidst the chaos of my pre-wedding ceremony experiences, I had no time to be angry at the circumstances around me because I was too busy looking forward to marrying the love of my life. I was about to marry the man that passionately (& very PATIENTLY) pursued me. I was about to marry my best friend. When you live in love...with your heart set on something you are passionate about...with your eyes fixed on a prize...the storms of life around you don't manage to shake you. You stand firm and continue to experience joy through it all. Joy is not circumstantial. When you live with the expectation of experiencing love, the world can fall apart around you, and you will be okay throughout the process. Life has continued to throw it's curve balls, we have experienced multiple chaotic moments over the past 4 years, and yet nothing but good has resulted from each of these trying experiences. 

So today --on Valentine's Day-- I wanted to share my crazy wedding day experiences with you all-- to encourage you that if your life is upside-down right now, everything seems all wrong, and things aren't going as you expected it to... Don't let your circumstances steal your joy. Don't let the craziness happening around you make you crazy. Don't let the mishaps in life make you bitter. Please continue to live with the anticipation of love! You may have to walk down a long road of chaos, but when you finally arrive, you'll have so much to look back and laugh at!