From this day forward. I DO.

A little over a year ago, I was inspired to begin blogging. I have kept track of my audience statistics of course, as every new blogger surely does, and I have noticed a trend. The few times that I've posted about my relationship, there's a significant jump in readers. Like the post about how Mike pursued me for TWO years or the one where my wedding day was absolutely CHAOTIC... Those two posts in particular received So. Much. Love.

I've concluded... People love 'LOVE.'

People are hopeful that it exists.

AND... people are even more hopeful that it can last.

Take my High School students, for example, whom often post cute pictures of Beyoncé & JayZ or Kim & Kanye captioned #relationshipgoals. If John Legend & his gorgeous wife didn't make it after the numerous love songs inspired by her, people would be devastated. When Robin Thicke cheated on the beautiful Paula Patton last year after 22 years together, fans were outraged. Romance novelist extraordinaire, Nicolas Sparks, separates from wife after 25 years recently, and doesn't it feel like all hope is lost? Cummon, you've seen The Notebook... til death do you part, right?!

With people's "perfect-looking relationships" being mainstreamed just about daily through social media, the racy romance novels we read, and the sexually-charged chick flicks and reality TV shows we watch... our perception of marriage becomes easily and obviously skewed, and we lose sight of what should be the sanctity of marriage... and it affects the way we think about and behave within our own relationships.

Here's something I've learned in the short (but long) 4 ½ years we've been married... Relationships ebb and flow... and it's ok & it's perfectly normal. Not just marriages-- I'm talking all relationships-- siblings, best friends, colleagues, etc. I bet you can't name ONE relationship in your life that has been completely constant and perfect.

There will be moments of transition, moments of growth, moments of pure joy, moments of difficult decisions, moments of intense passion, moments of immense pain, moments you're inseparable, moments you just want your space, moments of absolute boredom, and others of absolute bliss.

There are different seasons in a relationship, and just like in real life, you have to prepare for each and proceed accordingly. You don't wear shorts and flip-flops in the winter (unless you do & you're dumb)... you'd freeze. You don't move on to the next person to satisfy you and fill a void (unless you do & you're dumb)... you'd fail.

As I approach 30, many of my friends are getting married. Their choice of Instagram captions are almost always...."I can't wait until the day we say 'I Do!'" (How many times have you read that?!)

Here's what they will soon realize: they will wake up and have to choose to say "I DO" daily; when the butterflies start to fade, when the wrinkles begin to appear, when the muffin tops begin to protrude, when the hairlines begin to recede, when the tits begin to sag, when the hurtful words have been said that can't be taken back... and when the sexiness of marriage begins to lose its luster... It's from THAT day forward, for all the days of your life, that you need to say 'I DO.'

My handsome husband recently officiated my cousin's wedding, and we searched the Internet for the best vows for them to repeat after him. None seemed good enough to me.


Here are the traditional ones:

[Bride/Groom's name], do you take [Groom/Bride's name] to be your wedded wife/husband, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love them, comfort them, honor and keep them for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, being faithful only to them, for as long as you both shall live?

I would love to add to those vows:

Do you promise to not blame each other when you experience financial crisis, and work together to get through it? Do you promise to grieve together, pray together, and move forward together when you experience a miscarriage or the loss of a child, and extend GRACE to each other through difficult moments like that? Do you promise to parent together, even when, & especially if, your child is born with special needs, and the pressure may become too much to bear sometimes?

Do you promise to do what it takes to reignite the flame between us when life begins to feel routine, and another person sparks a sudden interest? Do you promise to practice restraint when that other man/woman comes along that you have a natural affinity with, that might have a quality your spouse doesn’t have, and not give in to your attraction for that other person? 

Do you promise to not be lured by the temptation of watching pornography, to not compare your spouse or your sex life to the women on television, and to not fantasize about that photoshopped-looking celebrity? (Men and women alike can agree The Rock is the only exception from that one because well...have you seen him?!) Do you promise to delete your Facebook, cut out relationships, or take other extreme precautions when temptation becomes too strong? 

Do you promise to grow some balls, and admit the ugly truth about yourself to your spouse with intentions to build trust, bring freedom, and break strongholds? (this includes you too, women...not that growing actual balls would help your marriage.) Do you promise to extend grace and forgiveness when you find out an ugly truth about your spouse that you never expected?

Do you promise to talk about him/her with the utmost respect when you're tempted to bitch & complain about them? Do you promise to try and talk through things that aren't worth big arguments, and resist nagging constantly about things like the socks on the floor or dishes in the sink? Do you promise to kick them in their sleep when they're snoring too loud... instead of suffocating them like you really want to? 

Do you promise to recognize that even though this is one of the toughest jobs ever, it is also the best job ever? (Wisdom from Hugo) Do you promise to spend time together-- unadulterated, undistracted, undiluted time together without taking pictures every second and posting them for the world to see that you're "enjoying" yourself? Do you promise to be present in every moment, and recognize in those moments that you are lucky you have chosen to love and serve and do life with your husband/wife for as long as you both shall live? 

“I DO!"

Real Love... Raw Love... is Patient… and kind… It doesn’t dishonor others & isn’t self-seeking. It isn’t easily angered & keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love is a choice beyond what you may be feeling at the moment.

It’s full of forgiveness and grace, not to be taken advantage of, but to be extended and available. So extend YOURSELF some forgiveness & grace... extend your spouse some forgiveness & grace... and CHOOSE to DO. Daily. From THIS day forward... all the days of your life, for as long as you both shall live.

A Relentless Pursuit

I was 15 years old when I walked into El Gran Yo Soy Ministerio/The Great I Am Ministry high with my 'then' boyfriend. No, I'm not saying HI to you. I did, in fact, say that I walked into church high. I remember thinking, in my altered state of mind, that a certain bass player on stage, wearing a yellow button down shirt was quite good looking.

I walked into that small family church, and after an entire year of singing the songs from the projector screen and listening to the pastor yelling in Spanish about something I did not understand, I had a life-changing encounter with Jesus. This post is specific to my "love story" with my hubs, so I will tell you all about my lifestyle change and how I went from a little pothead punk to a Jesus-loving woman in another post.

When I gave my life to Christ, I felt like I had the cure to cancer or something equally incredible. I just had to share my faith with everyone and anyone who would listen. All of my friends in my senior year of High School knew that I had become a completely different person on the inside, although I still looked like a typical NewYorrican teenager on the outside-- with my hair cow-licked to the side, a bun as big as my head, and big door-knocker bamboo earrings. (oh, yes I did!) Anyway, as I shared my faith, my friends became curious about this God that was clearly changing that once angry, rebellious girl into someone completely different...so they started to come to church with me. My youth pastors thought it a wise idea to have this handsome, Jesus-loving, bass playing, pastor's son start a bible study every Friday night in my living room to teach all of these ghetto teenagers that were coming with me more about our faith.

So every Friday, about 20 teenagers crowded into my parent's living room, and we were able to see lives transformed. Our friendship developed into something really constant and pure. Mike has always been the ultimate gentleman. After a few years of hanging out as friends, he began to pursue me further. Although I found him attractive, I made every excuse not to allow myself to feel the emotions that were stirring within me. I couldn't like Mike! He was the pastor's eldest son. He grew up in church, never smoked weed, and never did any of the idiotic things I did as a teen. Every other girl in our youth ministry was obviously a better option. They were all virgins. They were all sweet. They were all worthy of a good man. I, on the other hand, was the girl with the big mouth, strong opinions, and tainted past. I wasn't good enough for him. Or that's what I thought.

I couldn't allow myself to like Mike for other reasons as well. Friendships would be compromised. People wouldn't agree. Although we saw each other four to five times a week, I kept him at arms distance and wouldn't let him break through the wall I had built around my fragile heart.  

My parents and my sister saw something that I refused to see. They HELPED him win my affections. My sister gave him the address to my job and told him what my favorite flowers were. Yellow roses. Just about the only flowers I actually like. I hate flowers. & I sure as hell didn't need a man to buy me any. I could buy my own flowers!

My dad invited him to sleep over our house for the Fourth of July weekend in 2006. Seriously?! That night we had our first kiss... awww sweet right? While it lasted. After that weekend, I ignored him for another 2 years. Not 2 weeks. Not 2 months... TWO YEARS!

The more he pursued me, the more I resisted. The more he insisted, the more I rejected. I wasn't trying to play hard to get, I was seriously battling within myself. All I knew were men who cheated, men who battled with addictions, men who were self seeking, men who wanted nothing deeper than sex. How challenging to think that there was something better out there and that I deserved it?

After years of shutting him down, things started to awaken in me. I started dating this other man who was a genuinely great guy. He wined and dined me, and treated me like I should be treated. When I would hang with that man, all I could think about was Mike. I realized that we developed a friendship that was unmatched during all those Friday night bible studies at my house. 

Mike was the man that watched me grow from the immature little punk into the 'kinda mature' woman I am today. haha. He witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly in my family, and still loved and accepted me (and them) the way we were... and he shockingly wanted to be around our dysfunction. I could eat in front of him without reservation. I could cry in front of him without embarrassment. I could laugh in front of him without suppressing it. I could be me... completely...and he loved me exactly the way I was --well the way I am-- with my crazy family, my strong character, my big dreams, and all of my faults. He never tried to belittle me, never tried to rush me, and never tried to change me. He empowered me and encouraged me, and I simply wanted to be a better woman whenever I was with him.

He pursued relentlessly... and eventually won my heart.

Now, our relationship is not perfect, by any means. We have hit some roadblocks in our marriage and have had to intentionally work together to work through them. We have had to remind ourselves that love is a commitment beyond feelings. I still expect to be pursued by my husband, and he expects the spontaneous woman he married four years ago.

MEN-- you see a woman you like? Don't expect her to be perfect. Don't expect her to be like your mom. Just love her the way she is. Pursue her. Stop playing these silly little pride games, that you won't text or call her first because you think she should make a move too and show you she cares. Get over yourself. A woman is a prize to be won. Once you have her, don't stop pursuing.The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

WOMEN-- know your value! Don't settle for less than you deserve, and don't ever think you deserve less than the best. Set your standards high, and DO NOT compromise certain things because you are desperate or lonely. Don't worry about what others will think, but do take into consideration what those closest to you think. They see the bigger picture sometimes. Sometimes our loved ones see unhealthy relationships forming and we get defensive because we are blinded by love. Other times, like in my case, they see what's best for you, when you can't see it for yourself. 

That's all for now. There's so much more to that story, but I tried to condense it as best as I could. Today is our four year anniversary... we are on vacation...and I'm logging out..but first I will leave you with a favorite quote:

We can't live unaffected by love.

We're most alive when we find it,

Most devastated when we lose it,

Most empty when we give up on it,

Most inhumane when we betray it,

& most passionate when we pursue it.

-Erwin Raphael McManus, 'Soul Cravings'

Wedding Woes (A Valentine's Day Post)

My wedding day was one of the most memorable days of my life. It was beautiful. It was full of happiness and love and laughter and family... It was also chaotic. Most people say the same about theirs right? Maybe, but I mean... Mine was full on CHAOTIC! From the moment I woke up, everything went awry. Let me try my best to set the stage for you all:

Ok, so first of all, I think I should start off by admitting that I am THE biggest procrastinator you will ever meet in your life. I like to rationalize that I work best under pressure, but if I'm honest with myself, and you all... it's just an excuse to justify myself each time. So, in light of this gift of waiting until the last minute, I wrote my vows at approximately 3am the morning of my wedding. (I know...very risky!) When I woke up-- if I ever really went to sleep that night with all the fluttering in my stomach-- my house was filled with a bunch of loud Puerto Ricans trying to appear calm. (impossible!) With a mixture of fatigue and overwhelming excitement, I vowed that nothing would interrupt the joy I felt on this special day.

The smell of steak filled the house, and I knew that my dad was doing what he does best-- making breakfast! As I devoured those steak and eggs (no nerves could ever keep me from eating...ever), the background noise was the sound of my mom cursing my dad out because her egg yokes were overcooked... or something equally ridiculous. Now before I continue sharing the occurrences of this day, I feel like I need to prevent you from getting the wrong idea. (I also want to prevent an ass-whupping, as my mom reads my blog)

Disclaimer: My mom was the BEST support during the entire wedding planning process. She is a nurse, and so even under the most trying of situations, she is usually the most levelheaded person I know --until July 3, 2010-- when she became completely undone and transformed into the biggest psychopath ever. (sorry ma!)

Ok so to try and condense this, I'll list ONLY 5 crazy pre-wedding ceremony events:

1-- The Freakin' Favors: 

My mom & I made DIY party favors-- CDs with songs that Mike and I chose to describe our relationship since we both share a love for music. On the morning of the wedding, I decided to play one to set the mood while getting my hair done. Drum roll please....the CD was blank!!! We forgot to burn the playlist on almost half of the favors. Too late! I just laughed, and we ended up putting all of the CD's, both blank and finished, out on the table for guests and never said a thing. So if you're reading this, and you were one of our guests who ended up with a blank CD, at least the pictures on the front cover were nice! haha! (also, I still have a few extras if you'd like...4 years later)

2-- Hair Hell: 

My hairstylist couldn't get my hair to look the way she did during our trial run (something about my hair being TOO clean). My aunt became frustrated with her and cursed her out. Like full-on cursed her out. If I remember correctly, she said something along the lines of "F%&#ing get it together and do my niece's hair the way she wants it!" The poor woman looked like she was going to cry! I'll admit, I was beyond grateful for my aunt coming to my rescue though because no bride wants to walk down the aisle in a hairstyle she hates. 

(Thanks Titi! Most of my wedding wouldn't have gone as smoothly without you --or most of my life for that matter-- Remember the Bacardi in the water bottle incident when I was 15? You've always been my lifesaver! Haha)

3-- BFFs, Beaches & Blisters: 

My best friend decided to go to the beach and get sun poisoning days before my wedding. She was one of my bridesmaids, and ended up with a huge blister on her lip for the wedding photos. (Oh, Cosita!)

4-- Car Crisis: 

I chose a scenic location that was about a 2 hour drive from the concrete jungle. I have a hispanic family, so I prepared for latenesses by making the invitation time two hours before I actually intended on walking down the aisle. (I know, brilliant, right!?) I loved my venue! (the website just doesn't do it justice!) 

Well our wedding was on a Fourth of July weekend. There was traffic galore... and could you believe we got into a car accident?! As if that wasn't enough, my mom started cursing my dad out for the umpteenth time... when for once, it wasn't his fault (refer to the Disclaimer). My aunt was tired of the arguing --again, came to my defense-- & cursed both of my parents out while hysterically crying. My sister and I shared sideways glances and smirks throughout the ride. Everyone remained silent for the remainder of our travel, with the exception of the delightful sounds of one of my closest friends throwing up the whole two hours. I had to hold her hair back as she gagged her life away into a plastic bag.

5-- Subtle Squabbles: 

At the wedding, there were unspoken tensions between this person and that person... dirty looks flying from this side of the room to that side of the room... (Please tell me I'm not the only one with silly family drama? haha)

The list could go on for days.. We ended up with ZERO pictures with my grandmother and my Padrino, two of the most influential people in my life. I missed the Ice-Cream Bar that I was SO looking forward to. My flower girls sat through the ceremony eating the rose petals from their baskets (There's video proof of this). It was only the hottest day of the year, and I was sweating profusely under that dress.

I couldn't make these things up even if I wanted to!  

A real bridezilla would have flipped out.

I know that people often get the wrong idea about me... girlie-girl? high maintenance? materialistic? (Far from it!) Yes, I like nice stuff, but let's just say, I bought the first dress I tried on, picked the first venue I saw in the middle of nowhere, chose the first caterer we called, decided on the first bouquet my florist created, and ordered the first cake we tasted. I mean, who cares about those little details? I didn't... but everything came out BEAUTIFUL! (at least Mike and I thought so...and that's all that really matters) 

All the things that went wrong on our wedding day made it all the more memorable, and we have so much to look back and laugh at!

Amidst the chaos of my pre-wedding ceremony experiences, I had no time to be angry at the circumstances around me because I was too busy looking forward to marrying the love of my life. I was about to marry the man that passionately (& very PATIENTLY) pursued me. I was about to marry my best friend. When you live in love...with your heart set on something you are passionate about...with your eyes fixed on a prize...the storms of life around you don't manage to shake you. You stand firm and continue to experience joy through it all. Joy is not circumstantial. When you live with the expectation of experiencing love, the world can fall apart around you, and you will be okay throughout the process. Life has continued to throw it's curve balls, we have experienced multiple chaotic moments over the past 4 years, and yet nothing but good has resulted from each of these trying experiences. 

So today --on Valentine's Day-- I wanted to share my crazy wedding day experiences with you all-- to encourage you that if your life is upside-down right now, everything seems all wrong, and things aren't going as you expected it to... Don't let your circumstances steal your joy. Don't let the craziness happening around you make you crazy. Don't let the mishaps in life make you bitter. Please continue to live with the anticipation of love! You may have to walk down a long road of chaos, but when you finally arrive, you'll have so much to look back and laugh at!