I walked into that small family church, and after an entire year of singing the songs from the projector screen and listening to the pastor yelling in Spanish about something I did not understand, I had a life-changing encounter with Jesus. This post is specific to my "love story" with my hubs, so I will tell you all about my lifestyle change and how I went from a little pothead punk to a Jesus-loving woman in another post.
When I gave my life to Christ, I felt like I had the cure to cancer or something equally incredible. I just had to share my faith with everyone and anyone who would listen. All of my friends in my senior year of High School knew that I had become a completely different person on the inside, although I still looked like a typical NewYorrican teenager on the outside-- with my hair cow-licked to the side, a bun as big as my head, and big door-knocker bamboo earrings. (oh, yes I did!) Anyway, as I shared my faith, my friends became curious about this God that was clearly changing that once angry, rebellious girl into someone completely different...so they started to come to church with me. My youth pastors thought it a wise idea to have this handsome, Jesus-loving, bass playing, pastor's son start a bible study every Friday night in my living room to teach all of these ghetto teenagers that were coming with me more about our faith.
So every Friday, about 20 teenagers crowded into my parent's living room, and we were able to see lives transformed. Our friendship developed into something really constant and pure. Mike has always been the ultimate gentleman. After a few years of hanging out as friends, he began to pursue me further. Although I found him attractive, I made every excuse not to allow myself to feel the emotions that were stirring within me. I couldn't like Mike! He was the pastor's eldest son. He grew up in church, never smoked weed, and never did any of the idiotic things I did as a teen. Every other girl in our youth ministry was obviously a better option. They were all virgins. They were all sweet. They were all worthy of a good man. I, on the other hand, was the girl with the big mouth, strong opinions, and tainted past. I wasn't good enough for him. Or that's what I thought.
I couldn't allow myself to like Mike for other reasons as well. Friendships would be compromised. People wouldn't agree. Although we saw each other four to five times a week, I kept him at arms distance and wouldn't let him break through the wall I had built around my fragile heart.
My parents and my sister saw something that I refused to see. They HELPED him win my affections. My sister gave him the address to my job and told him what my favorite flowers were. Yellow roses. Just about the only flowers I actually like. I hate flowers. & I sure as hell didn't need a man to buy me any. I could buy my own flowers!
My dad invited him to sleep over our house for the Fourth of July weekend in 2006. Seriously?! That night we had our first kiss... awww sweet right? While it lasted. After that weekend, I ignored him for another 2 years. Not 2 weeks. Not 2 months... TWO YEARS!
The more he pursued me, the more I resisted. The more he insisted, the more I rejected. I wasn't trying to play hard to get, I was seriously battling within myself. All I knew were men who cheated, men who battled with addictions, men who were self seeking, men who wanted nothing deeper than sex. How challenging to think that there was something better out there and that I deserved it?
After years of shutting him down, things started to awaken in me. I started dating this other man who was a genuinely great guy. He wined and dined me, and treated me like I should be treated. When I would hang with that man, all I could think about was Mike. I realized that we developed a friendship that was unmatched during all those Friday night bible studies at my house.
Mike was the man that watched me grow from the immature little punk into the 'kinda mature' woman I am today. haha. He witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly in my family, and still loved and accepted me (and them) the way we were... and he shockingly wanted to be around our dysfunction. I could eat in front of him without reservation. I could cry in front of him without embarrassment. I could laugh in front of him without suppressing it. I could be me... completely...and he loved me exactly the way I was --well the way I am-- with my crazy family, my strong character, my big dreams, and all of my faults. He never tried to belittle me, never tried to rush me, and never tried to change me. He empowered me and encouraged me, and I simply wanted to be a better woman whenever I was with him.
He pursued relentlessly... and eventually won my heart.
Now, our relationship is not perfect, by any means. We have hit some roadblocks in our marriage and have had to intentionally work together to work through them. We have had to remind ourselves that love is a commitment beyond feelings. I still expect to be pursued by my husband, and he expects the spontaneous woman he married four years ago.
MEN-- you see a woman you like? Don't expect her to be perfect. Don't expect her to be like your mom. Just love her the way she is. Pursue her. Stop playing these silly little pride games, that you won't text or call her first because you think she should make a move too and show you she cares. Get over yourself. A woman is a prize to be won. Once you have her, don't stop pursuing.The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)
WOMEN-- know your value! Don't settle for less than you deserve, and don't ever think you deserve less than the best. Set your standards high, and DO NOT compromise certain things because you are desperate or lonely. Don't worry about what others will think, but do take into consideration what those closest to you think. They see the bigger picture sometimes. Sometimes our loved ones see unhealthy relationships forming and we get defensive because we are blinded by love. Other times, like in my case, they see what's best for you, when you can't see it for yourself.
That's all for now. There's so much more to that story, but I tried to condense it as best as I could. Today is our four year anniversary... we are on vacation...and I'm logging out..but first I will leave you with a favorite quote:
We can't live unaffected by love.
We're most alive when we find it,
Most devastated when we lose it,
Most empty when we give up on it,
Most inhumane when we betray it,
& most passionate when we pursue it.
Absolutely LOVE this
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