From this day forward. I DO.

A little over a year ago, I was inspired to begin blogging. I have kept track of my audience statistics of course, as every new blogger surely does, and I have noticed a trend. The few times that I've posted about my relationship, there's a significant jump in readers. Like the post about how Mike pursued me for TWO years or the one where my wedding day was absolutely CHAOTIC... Those two posts in particular received So. Much. Love.

I've concluded... People love 'LOVE.'

People are hopeful that it exists.

AND... people are even more hopeful that it can last.

Take my High School students, for example, whom often post cute pictures of Beyoncé & JayZ or Kim & Kanye captioned #relationshipgoals. If John Legend & his gorgeous wife didn't make it after the numerous love songs inspired by her, people would be devastated. When Robin Thicke cheated on the beautiful Paula Patton last year after 22 years together, fans were outraged. Romance novelist extraordinaire, Nicolas Sparks, separates from wife after 25 years recently, and doesn't it feel like all hope is lost? Cummon, you've seen The Notebook... til death do you part, right?!

With people's "perfect-looking relationships" being mainstreamed just about daily through social media, the racy romance novels we read, and the sexually-charged chick flicks and reality TV shows we watch... our perception of marriage becomes easily and obviously skewed, and we lose sight of what should be the sanctity of marriage... and it affects the way we think about and behave within our own relationships.

Here's something I've learned in the short (but long) 4 ½ years we've been married... Relationships ebb and flow... and it's ok & it's perfectly normal. Not just marriages-- I'm talking all relationships-- siblings, best friends, colleagues, etc. I bet you can't name ONE relationship in your life that has been completely constant and perfect.

There will be moments of transition, moments of growth, moments of pure joy, moments of difficult decisions, moments of intense passion, moments of immense pain, moments you're inseparable, moments you just want your space, moments of absolute boredom, and others of absolute bliss.

There are different seasons in a relationship, and just like in real life, you have to prepare for each and proceed accordingly. You don't wear shorts and flip-flops in the winter (unless you do & you're dumb)... you'd freeze. You don't move on to the next person to satisfy you and fill a void (unless you do & you're dumb)... you'd fail.

As I approach 30, many of my friends are getting married. Their choice of Instagram captions are almost always...."I can't wait until the day we say 'I Do!'" (How many times have you read that?!)

Here's what they will soon realize: they will wake up and have to choose to say "I DO" daily; when the butterflies start to fade, when the wrinkles begin to appear, when the muffin tops begin to protrude, when the hairlines begin to recede, when the tits begin to sag, when the hurtful words have been said that can't be taken back... and when the sexiness of marriage begins to lose its luster... It's from THAT day forward, for all the days of your life, that you need to say 'I DO.'

My handsome husband recently officiated my cousin's wedding, and we searched the Internet for the best vows for them to repeat after him. None seemed good enough to me.


Here are the traditional ones:

[Bride/Groom's name], do you take [Groom/Bride's name] to be your wedded wife/husband, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love them, comfort them, honor and keep them for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, being faithful only to them, for as long as you both shall live?

I would love to add to those vows:

Do you promise to not blame each other when you experience financial crisis, and work together to get through it? Do you promise to grieve together, pray together, and move forward together when you experience a miscarriage or the loss of a child, and extend GRACE to each other through difficult moments like that? Do you promise to parent together, even when, & especially if, your child is born with special needs, and the pressure may become too much to bear sometimes?

Do you promise to do what it takes to reignite the flame between us when life begins to feel routine, and another person sparks a sudden interest? Do you promise to practice restraint when that other man/woman comes along that you have a natural affinity with, that might have a quality your spouse doesn’t have, and not give in to your attraction for that other person? 

Do you promise to not be lured by the temptation of watching pornography, to not compare your spouse or your sex life to the women on television, and to not fantasize about that photoshopped-looking celebrity? (Men and women alike can agree The Rock is the only exception from that one because well...have you seen him?!) Do you promise to delete your Facebook, cut out relationships, or take other extreme precautions when temptation becomes too strong? 

Do you promise to grow some balls, and admit the ugly truth about yourself to your spouse with intentions to build trust, bring freedom, and break strongholds? (this includes you too, women...not that growing actual balls would help your marriage.) Do you promise to extend grace and forgiveness when you find out an ugly truth about your spouse that you never expected?

Do you promise to talk about him/her with the utmost respect when you're tempted to bitch & complain about them? Do you promise to try and talk through things that aren't worth big arguments, and resist nagging constantly about things like the socks on the floor or dishes in the sink? Do you promise to kick them in their sleep when they're snoring too loud... instead of suffocating them like you really want to? 

Do you promise to recognize that even though this is one of the toughest jobs ever, it is also the best job ever? (Wisdom from Hugo) Do you promise to spend time together-- unadulterated, undistracted, undiluted time together without taking pictures every second and posting them for the world to see that you're "enjoying" yourself? Do you promise to be present in every moment, and recognize in those moments that you are lucky you have chosen to love and serve and do life with your husband/wife for as long as you both shall live? 

“I DO!"

Real Love... Raw Love... is Patient… and kind… It doesn’t dishonor others & isn’t self-seeking. It isn’t easily angered & keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love is a choice beyond what you may be feeling at the moment.

It’s full of forgiveness and grace, not to be taken advantage of, but to be extended and available. So extend YOURSELF some forgiveness & grace... extend your spouse some forgiveness & grace... and CHOOSE to DO. Daily. From THIS day forward... all the days of your life, for as long as you both shall live.