Scars Don't Hurt

As I reached down to grab my shoes, she released a freshly curled lock of hair from that wretched curling wand. My skin sizzled upon contact with the heat of that stupid metal device. I jumped back, cradling my arm, and did what anyone would do... I screamed!! It wasn't her fault. She didn't know I was going to bend down next to her. It wasn't my fault either. I didn't know she was going to extend her arm with that weapon. I couldn't sit there and play the blame game anyway. I had a task at hand. I had to make sure that this burn did the least amount of damage...so I ran to the bathroom and flushed it under cold water.

Over the last two weeks, I've diligently tended to my second degree burn. I've done everything possible to avoid infection. I've used an antibiotic cream to speed the healing process, and once the open wound fully closes, I will make sure to use vitamin E daily to avoid scarring.

I hate scars! I have barely visible ones on my knees from my tomboy days. I have a few scratch-like scars right above my upper lip from riding my tricycle down the stairs into my backyard, I have a small scar on my inner thigh from colliding with an oncoming bicyclist, and I have a scar on my abdomen from a surgical procedure to close a hernia. My mother is a nurse, and nursed these wounds diligently to where my scars are barely noticeable.

Scars are an obvious reminder to the world that you've been hurt. Although it marks the place you once experienced pain, SCARS DON'T HURT. You can toy with it all you want, think about it, touch it, and it will not be tender. 

It is 15 days later, and I am fully aware that my burn, although it looks much better, is not yet a scar...It is an open wound. During dinner last night, my mother, in the excitement of her storytelling, darted straight for the target with the tips of her fingers and smacked my shoulder about 4 or 5 times to get my attention. It wasn't on purpose. My family is just extremely expressive! Man, it left a lingering sting! This morning, I woke up to the wound itching beyond relief. I reached over to my night table, grabbed the Neosporin, and rubbed it on the wound to alleviate the itch. My burn is still an open wound, and I know that because I still feel the discomfort. 

As I massaged the cream on my arm in my half-awakened state, I began whining to God about my burn and how ugly it looks and how long it would take to close. It was the oddest thing to hear his response in the midst of my pity party. "You are taking the steps you need to take for it to heal properly. It will close soon enough, and it will no longer bother you."

I waited, anticipating more, knowing He was going somewhere with that. 

"You still have an open wound in your heart that you are not tending to though. Examine yourself. It's still irritated. You still feel discomfort. It still hurts. You need to take some steps towards healing that too. You need to forgive that person, and you need to forgive yourself."

Wait, what? 

Jeez.. don't you hate it when God calls you out on things? It means it's time to really deal with it! Apparently, I've taken some steps to avoid making the wound bigger, but I've done nothing to help it heal. I can't keep playing past scenarios in my head and expect it not to stir up emotions. I can't wait for an apology, and expect that I'll feel better only after one. My cousin apologizing for unintentionally burning me did not make my wound heal faster.

You want something to heal properly? You have to take some steps towards your healing too! Yes, God is the ultimate Healer. He takes joy in healing. If we are still cradling our hearts, like I did with my arm, we aren't giving Him the opportunity to begin the healing process. 

You can try and fool yourself that you're not still hurting, and that you're totally fine. Answer these questions honestly: When you think about the person who hurt you, does it still bother you? When you see that person, do you still feel uncomfortable around them? When you hear someone talking nice about them, does it irritate you? When you speak to them, do you find yourself feeling vulnerable or defensive or aggressive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it's likely you're in the same boat as me, and it's time to let go of the wound, deal with the pain, and find healing in His promises. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).

There's a step by step guide for how to deal with a burn... flush it with cold water, put antibiotic creams, avoid sun, etc. What are some of the steps you need to take to heal a wound in your heart? FORGIVE. Forgive the person... whether they hurt you intentionally or unintentionally... whether they asked for forgiveness or not! I heard it said once that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is not for them, it's for YOU! While you are at it, forgive yourself too. 

I've walked this road before. I've found healing after forgiving. I can think about certain people who have caused me immense pain, see them, and even speak to them without any feelings of discomfort, anger or pain. It's time to take the necessary steps to heal not just this burn on my arm, but the open wound in my heart. I can't wait to look back at the barely visible scar in it's place and thank God when it NO LONGER HURTS. 

LET IT GO!

So my blog is called Naked & Not Ashamed. What a title to live up to! How I would love to eventually get to the point where I can actually share all of the things that people are scared to talk about! It's not exactly what we are taught though. You're struggling with something?? Don't tell anyone! It will put you to shame if you do. It will put your family to shame. It will destroy you and your reputation. People will judge you. People will use it against you. Let's be real though, there's nothing new under the sun. More often than not, you are NOT the only one!

Yet despite how hard we try to conceal our pain, or our sin, and even our gifts, it almost always has a way of coming to light...even when you get away with hiding it for years. (like Queen Elsa from the movie 'Frozen', for instance)

I know what you're thinking-- WHAT?! I recently spent a week with a four year old girl who was insistent on watching Frozen every night before bed, every morning before school, listening to the soundtrack EVERY time we got into the car...on repeat. I now find myself singing "Let It Go" when I wake up, when I go to sleep, on my way to work, in my dreams... & here's the part I always sing:

"Couldn't keep it in-- Heaven knows I've tried.

Don't let them in, don't let them see.

Be the good girl you always have to be.

Conceal- don't feel, don't let them know!

Well now they know!

Let it Go!"

I'd like to think I am quite transparent. I'm usually okay with sharing my past struggles, especially with my students. I feel like people can relate more when you're vulnerable than when you put on a mask and pretend you're perfect... & I'm FAR from perfect. I have a BIG mouth, for one. I usually say exactly what I'm thinking without much of a filter or I say too much, which has gotten me into loads of trouble throughout my life. 

It is hard to be Naked & Not Ashamed and say what I want to say on a public forum though. It is hard for me because talking about my defining moments and personal experiences means sharing about other people as well. How do I become Naked & Not Ashamed without putting other people to shame? How do I talk about ME without talking about the people around me and how their lives have shaped mine? I guess eventually I'll get there... with wisdom, of course.

For now I want to encourage you to find the people in your life that you can confess to & work through your struggles with before it comes to light on its own. We can hide all we like, but when things do come to light-- you're right... some people won't understand, but others (those who really love you) will go out of their way and out of their comfort zone to help you through it-- even when the truth of your reality hurts them...like Princess Anna! (Oh, you don't get my references?? Grow up and go watch the movie. You're never too old for Disney, dammit!) 

Be accountable to someone! It makes life a million times harder when we try and hide within our "kingdom of isolation." Break free from society's advice to conceal the truth that will set you free...LET IT GO!

I'm not suggesting you share your struggles with the world, especially if you're still struggling with it, but be accountable to someone!

If you've already overcome it, I do think that one person's secret can be another person's freedom. One person's secret can become another person's healing. 

In the meantime, that little girl above-mentioned, you NEED to hear her sing "Let It Go." Even if you just fast forward to the bridge of the song... I promise it will be worth it!