Confessions of a Shopaholic (Wants vs. Needs)

So this title is quite misleading; I have no confessions for you today. I'm not a shopaholic at all. I guess I could easily be, but living only a few short blocks from the Queens Center Mall, I've learned to avoid it at all costs. I try my very best to not step through those doors unless I actually need something. (Or unless I'm craving Chipotle, in which case I make a mad dash directly to the food court)

When I do shop, I can be very impulsive, often resulting in feelings of dissatisfaction or much dissonance-- you know, that conflicted feeling where you second guess your purchase choice. Usually when I make an impulsive purchase though, it's because at the very moment I swipe my piece of plastic and punch in my secret four-digit code, I truly feel like I need whatever the item is, and that it will satisfy me in some way. 

I think I may just have an addictive personality. (I guess that's a confession of sorts) I go through phases where I can listen to a song daily on repeat for a month straight, and will not get sick of it. I will buy the same pair of pants in different colors if I fall in love with the style and fit ...and price, of course. While visiting my in-laws on a 10-day trip to Texas, I became addicted to McDonald's soft serve vanilla ice cream. (Don't you judge me!) I had it EVERY DAY of my stay. Sometimes twice a day. (No really, stop judging me!) Of course I justified my actions; I told myself, "Screw it! I'm on vacation!" When I returned to New York, I had to resist satisfying that desire with steadfast determination. I avoided walking into a McDonald's, which happens to be on every other freaking block! Talk about tempting! Geez. I've never really liked McDonald's before, but I awakened a voracious appetite for something that was not good for me...and I wanted it every time I thought about it.

You've bought things that you really wanted even though you knew you didn't really need it, haven't you? We often buy things not because we need it but because we really want it. That desire becomes so strong that we convince ourselves that the want has become a need. There are driving forces that influence our buying decisions --how an item looks, how it makes us feel, or whether or not we believe we deserve it...so we spend unnecessarily and then justify ourselves.  

You've also said or done things you knew were wrong just because you felt like it, haven't you?  We all have. There are driving forces that influence our decisions- lust of the eyes (a craving for things we see), lust of the flesh (a craving for physical pleasure),  and the pride in our achievements or possessions (1 John 2:16 NLT)...so we do things and then justify ourselves.

So many people encourage us to pursue our hearts desires. "Let your heart lead you, baby." My dance teacher used to say, "Do what feels right." 

What may apply to dancing may not be wise for real life decision-making processes. Reality is... 'your heart is deceitful above all things' and it will pursue whatever feels right at the moment. So "above all else, GUARD your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Prov 4:23 NIV). Every decision you make flows from the stirrings and cravings of your heart. Every word you say is an overflow from what is in your heart (Luke 6:45 NLT). What's in your heart today? What is your life producing as a result?

Maybe you feel conflicted and you second guess your actions. You ask yourself "Should I have done that? Is it really even that bad that I did?" Maybe you feel dissatisfied with the way you are spending your time, your money, your emotional energy. Or maybe you still want something you know you don't need, that you know may not be good for you (i.e. a lifestyle, a relationship, a job, an excuse). 

You need to choose to lead your heart, and not let your heart lead you. Don't try and justify yourself. Avoid sin at all costs...the way I avoid the mall, and the way I had to avoid McDonald's for a few weeks. Be intentional.  Be proactive-- flee from temptation. Take the way out that's given to you. You can either be led by your selfish pursuits ...or you can take charge and pursue the will of God for your life. This requires a resolute mind and a steadfast heart. What you think you want will never fully satisfy you. Whatever you need is found in Jesus. 

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a loyal spirit within me" (Ps 51:10 NLT). 


P.S. Pray for me y'all... I'm headed to Texas this week! (Repeats as I log off: "I will not have ice cream everyday... I will not have ice cream everyday...")

Short-Cuts (The Swamp Story)

I can't tell you exactly how old we were, but we couldn't have been older than 18 and 14 years old. My younger sister and I had lunch at one of our favorite Dominican restaurants on Castle Hill in the Bronx one summer afternoon, and made a spontaneous decision to head to the Bronx Zoo for a day of sisterly bonding afterwards. We didn't want to pay for the $10 cab ride or the small bus fee because... how far could it really be? I don't remember this for sure, but it sounds like it would have been my brilliant idea to walk to the zoo. (and by brilliant, I mean completely illogical) I'm always ready for an adventure! 

What could have been a simple half hour bus ride, turned into a two hour trek through the good ol' Boogie Down. We passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops, and walked alongside the Cross Bronx Expressway. No really --we walked alongside the Cross Bronx-- where there's NO service roads, bike lanes, or walking paths. We must have looked as ridiculous as we felt because someone screamed out of their car window "Coje el tren!" translated from his ghetto Newyorrican Spanish... "Take the train!" (How embarrassing!?)

Could you picture us? It was a scorching hot summer day, we were both dripping in sweat, and we shifted between arguing and laughing at ourselves the entire walk.

Whenever I re-tell this story, I call it "The Swamp Story." It's the best part of the story, really. There came a point on our walk where it became really unsafe for us to continue along the highway. Our only option was to cross over a soggy swamp. Now, I refused to get filthy, so my genius idea was to scale a fence sideways until we reached the end of the swamp. I made it across that 20ft chain-link wired fence with a bit of a struggle in my flip flops...but my poor sister... she didn't stand a chance with her tiny legs! I watched her lose her footing halfway to her destination. She dangled by her arms for a few seconds before she lost grip and dropped into the muddy mess. Needless to say, I did what any good big sister would do... I laughed so hard it hurt! If anyone knows my sister, they know that my laughter was short-lived. Think I'm a smart ass? My sister can rip you apart with no more than 2 sentences.

We ended up at a public playground to rinse my sister off from head to toe in the sprinklers.  Once we finally arrived at the Bronx Zoo, we were so exhausted we had no energy left to walk around. We sat for about an hour near the sea lion pool. It took all of our efforts to drag one foot in front of the other when it was time to leave, and we took another 2 hour journey by train/bus back to Queens.

This happens to be one of our favorite stories tell. I literally cry in laughter when we reminisce on that ridiculous adventure, but while we were walking through it... (literally WALKING through it)... let's just say we were quite miserable in that heat. If we had the opportunity all over again, knowing what we know now, we would probably decide to pay the price for a taxi or hop on the bus without question. How many of you would change some of the silly decisions you've made in life if given the opportunity, knowing what you know now? Some of us would, but some of us think back to unhealthy experiences or people in our past with longing, and begin to miss something that wasn't even good for us to begin with...& we don't understand why we can't get out of the "swamp" we are in... (but that's a topic for another blog post)

Many times in life, we just don't want to pay the price and invest the extra effort in doing things the way we should. We often think we can take shortcuts in life to get to our destination, but it can easily result in a frustrating journey, embarrassing moments, a longer route, regrets, the potential of hurting people you love, putting yourself in compromising situations, and we ultimately make our lives unnecessarily more difficult.

I urge you not to take these "short-cuts" to success or satisfaction. Many times we can't help but satisfy our fleeting desires because it may seem fun and fulfilling and adventurous at the moment; yet we end up on a longer, much more difficult journey as a result. Learn what you need to learn today so you can do what you want to do tomorrow. Work honestly towards your career instead of advancing through dishonest gain. Invest in the relationships that matter, and reap a wealth of love. Put down those donuts and pick up those running shoes if you really want to get in shape. Stop making excuses about your painful past, and find your way back into a healthy church. 

Most importantly, don't feel bad if you've fallen in the muck and are currently on the wrong road. We've all been there at one time or another. Allow God to wash you off and sprinkle you with his love and forgiveness. "Even if you haven't done what God wants, you're still the one God wants." And remember, He works ALL things for the good of those who love him...eventually you may be able to look back at that rough path you took and laugh at yourself and your foolish choices.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matt 7:13-14

Change Your Station

Sometimes we are so focused on our destination that we fail to enjoy the journey.

I love long rides. Plane rides. Train rides. Car rides. I know they can be excruciating, but I love them because I get to do what I don't do as often as I'd like; I get to sleep. That, to me, is enjoying the journey... (Grad school problems) I'm in the midst of completing my Master's degree. Although my degree is completed predominantly online, every 10 weeks I have to drive approximately 3 hours away from home to sit through 3 day-long lectures at my school.

Unfortunately, when these godforsaken bimonthly weekend residencies come along, I don't have the luxury of sleeping through the ride when I have to drive. Alone. Usually I don't mind it. The long drives give me a chance to reflect and think and pray and sing. (because I am that girl who sings at the top of her lungs while driving)

This time was different though. Have you ever had such a long To-Do list, and just begin to get anxious about everything and nothing at all? That was me last Thursday night. My anxious thoughts consumed me. Never enjoying more than a week break between the completion of one class and the commencement of the next class, my mind raced about all I had to do this weekend...amongst other things, of course. Sometimes I exhaust myself just thinking about my To-Do list without even having started it! So after almost an hour into my journey, in attempt to stay awake and in attempt to drown out my anxious thoughts (I wish I could sound super spiritual and say I prayed, but that would be a lie), I blasted the radio and on comes my lifelong crush:

"Voy a reír, Voy a bailar, vivir mi vida la la la la la. Voy a reír, voy a gozar, vivir mi vida la la la la la" Oh Marc Anthony, for those 3 minutes you got me dancing and made me relax. "I'm going to laugh, I'm going to dance, I'm going to enjoy and live my life." Ummm thanks for snapping me back to reality. 

After salsa'ing in my seat (that's a new word- just go with it), I started to do what my father often does. As kids we hated it, but now I find that when I am not sleeping through a ride, I am doing the very same thing I hated -- I'm changing the station a million times because I refuse to hear any talking between songs.

I ended up having a full on one-woman karaoke session in my car:

"Because I'm HAPPYYYY...clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth!" (Is it just me or does this song really make you HAPPY!?!)

"We could have had it alllllllll, rollin' in the deeeeeeeppppp." (If only I actually sounded like Adele... Let's just say I am glad I was riding solo while singing this one!)

"Meee aaand Mrs. Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones. We got a thingggg going onnnnn... But it's much too strong to let it go nowww." (Oldie, but a goodie. I swear I was born in the wrong decade...they don't make music like they used to.)

"Ghetto Superstar...that is what you are...coming from afar...reaching for the stars...run away with me...to another place"  (It was a Thursday and the radio got the throwback memo..I hadn't heard this song in a while!)

"I'll never know- How much it cost- To see my sin- Upon that cross..." (Because New Jersey has better service for Christian radio stations than New York... why is that?)

"Porque Dios te hizo tan bella, eres pura, eres un estrella. Te amo demasiado...quiero a mi lado...purpura de mi alma...agua de mi vidaaaaaa" (There's NOTHING better than a good ol' classic salsa song. Nothing.)

"I feel so lucky. Hey Hey Hey. You wanna hug me. Hey Hey Hey. What rhymes with hug me? Hey Hey Hey." (I mean, really? Some lyrics are made to just brighten your mood)

I really just took you through last Thursday's playlist haha..I can't believe I actually typed out the lyrics to these songs, but I definitely enjoyed singing while typing... almost as much as I enjoyed singing while driving. (Ok, get to the point Yasmine. Get to the point.)

The Point: How often do you allow your mind, cluttered by contemplation, to affect your moods and emotions? How often do we miss out on enjoying the little things in life because we are so preoccupied with thoughts about a past we cannot change or a future we have little control over? All we end up doing is sabatoging our present. 

How often are you chatting on your phone or scrolling through your social media newsfeeds instead of spending time with your kids or your spouse? Don't miss out! How often do you record what's going on at a concert or show, and don't experience the fullness of the moment? Don't miss out! How often do you end up on Facebook in class, and miss out on an opportunity to really learn something new? Don't miss out! How often do you have the music on and not really hear the lyrics? Don't miss out!

Go ahead...Stop and smell the roses people!

Reclaim your thoughts, and change the station in your mind!

^"8 ...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." 

Phil 4:8