Confessions of a Shopaholic (Wants vs. Needs)

So this title is quite misleading; I have no confessions for you today. I'm not a shopaholic at all. I guess I could easily be, but living only a few short blocks from the Queens Center Mall, I've learned to avoid it at all costs. I try my very best to not step through those doors unless I actually need something. (Or unless I'm craving Chipotle, in which case I make a mad dash directly to the food court)

When I do shop, I can be very impulsive, often resulting in feelings of dissatisfaction or much dissonance-- you know, that conflicted feeling where you second guess your purchase choice. Usually when I make an impulsive purchase though, it's because at the very moment I swipe my piece of plastic and punch in my secret four-digit code, I truly feel like I need whatever the item is, and that it will satisfy me in some way. 

I think I may just have an addictive personality. (I guess that's a confession of sorts) I go through phases where I can listen to a song daily on repeat for a month straight, and will not get sick of it. I will buy the same pair of pants in different colors if I fall in love with the style and fit ...and price, of course. While visiting my in-laws on a 10-day trip to Texas, I became addicted to McDonald's soft serve vanilla ice cream. (Don't you judge me!) I had it EVERY DAY of my stay. Sometimes twice a day. (No really, stop judging me!) Of course I justified my actions; I told myself, "Screw it! I'm on vacation!" When I returned to New York, I had to resist satisfying that desire with steadfast determination. I avoided walking into a McDonald's, which happens to be on every other freaking block! Talk about tempting! Geez. I've never really liked McDonald's before, but I awakened a voracious appetite for something that was not good for me...and I wanted it every time I thought about it.

You've bought things that you really wanted even though you knew you didn't really need it, haven't you? We often buy things not because we need it but because we really want it. That desire becomes so strong that we convince ourselves that the want has become a need. There are driving forces that influence our buying decisions --how an item looks, how it makes us feel, or whether or not we believe we deserve it...so we spend unnecessarily and then justify ourselves.  

You've also said or done things you knew were wrong just because you felt like it, haven't you?  We all have. There are driving forces that influence our decisions- lust of the eyes (a craving for things we see), lust of the flesh (a craving for physical pleasure),  and the pride in our achievements or possessions (1 John 2:16 NLT)...so we do things and then justify ourselves.

So many people encourage us to pursue our hearts desires. "Let your heart lead you, baby." My dance teacher used to say, "Do what feels right." 

What may apply to dancing may not be wise for real life decision-making processes. Reality is... 'your heart is deceitful above all things' and it will pursue whatever feels right at the moment. So "above all else, GUARD your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Prov 4:23 NIV). Every decision you make flows from the stirrings and cravings of your heart. Every word you say is an overflow from what is in your heart (Luke 6:45 NLT). What's in your heart today? What is your life producing as a result?

Maybe you feel conflicted and you second guess your actions. You ask yourself "Should I have done that? Is it really even that bad that I did?" Maybe you feel dissatisfied with the way you are spending your time, your money, your emotional energy. Or maybe you still want something you know you don't need, that you know may not be good for you (i.e. a lifestyle, a relationship, a job, an excuse). 

You need to choose to lead your heart, and not let your heart lead you. Don't try and justify yourself. Avoid sin at all costs...the way I avoid the mall, and the way I had to avoid McDonald's for a few weeks. Be intentional.  Be proactive-- flee from temptation. Take the way out that's given to you. You can either be led by your selfish pursuits ...or you can take charge and pursue the will of God for your life. This requires a resolute mind and a steadfast heart. What you think you want will never fully satisfy you. Whatever you need is found in Jesus. 

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a loyal spirit within me" (Ps 51:10 NLT). 


P.S. Pray for me y'all... I'm headed to Texas this week! (Repeats as I log off: "I will not have ice cream everyday... I will not have ice cream everyday...")

Short-Cuts (The Swamp Story)

I can't tell you exactly how old we were, but we couldn't have been older than 18 and 14 years old. My younger sister and I had lunch at one of our favorite Dominican restaurants on Castle Hill in the Bronx one summer afternoon, and made a spontaneous decision to head to the Bronx Zoo for a day of sisterly bonding afterwards. We didn't want to pay for the $10 cab ride or the small bus fee because... how far could it really be? I don't remember this for sure, but it sounds like it would have been my brilliant idea to walk to the zoo. (and by brilliant, I mean completely illogical) I'm always ready for an adventure! 

What could have been a simple half hour bus ride, turned into a two hour trek through the good ol' Boogie Down. We passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops, and walked alongside the Cross Bronx Expressway. No really --we walked alongside the Cross Bronx-- where there's NO service roads, bike lanes, or walking paths. We must have looked as ridiculous as we felt because someone screamed out of their car window "Coje el tren!" translated from his ghetto Newyorrican Spanish... "Take the train!" (How embarrassing!?)

Could you picture us? It was a scorching hot summer day, we were both dripping in sweat, and we shifted between arguing and laughing at ourselves the entire walk.

Whenever I re-tell this story, I call it "The Swamp Story." It's the best part of the story, really. There came a point on our walk where it became really unsafe for us to continue along the highway. Our only option was to cross over a soggy swamp. Now, I refused to get filthy, so my genius idea was to scale a fence sideways until we reached the end of the swamp. I made it across that 20ft chain-link wired fence with a bit of a struggle in my flip flops...but my poor sister... she didn't stand a chance with her tiny legs! I watched her lose her footing halfway to her destination. She dangled by her arms for a few seconds before she lost grip and dropped into the muddy mess. Needless to say, I did what any good big sister would do... I laughed so hard it hurt! If anyone knows my sister, they know that my laughter was short-lived. Think I'm a smart ass? My sister can rip you apart with no more than 2 sentences.

We ended up at a public playground to rinse my sister off from head to toe in the sprinklers.  Once we finally arrived at the Bronx Zoo, we were so exhausted we had no energy left to walk around. We sat for about an hour near the sea lion pool. It took all of our efforts to drag one foot in front of the other when it was time to leave, and we took another 2 hour journey by train/bus back to Queens.

This happens to be one of our favorite stories tell. I literally cry in laughter when we reminisce on that ridiculous adventure, but while we were walking through it... (literally WALKING through it)... let's just say we were quite miserable in that heat. If we had the opportunity all over again, knowing what we know now, we would probably decide to pay the price for a taxi or hop on the bus without question. How many of you would change some of the silly decisions you've made in life if given the opportunity, knowing what you know now? Some of us would, but some of us think back to unhealthy experiences or people in our past with longing, and begin to miss something that wasn't even good for us to begin with...& we don't understand why we can't get out of the "swamp" we are in... (but that's a topic for another blog post)

Many times in life, we just don't want to pay the price and invest the extra effort in doing things the way we should. We often think we can take shortcuts in life to get to our destination, but it can easily result in a frustrating journey, embarrassing moments, a longer route, regrets, the potential of hurting people you love, putting yourself in compromising situations, and we ultimately make our lives unnecessarily more difficult.

I urge you not to take these "short-cuts" to success or satisfaction. Many times we can't help but satisfy our fleeting desires because it may seem fun and fulfilling and adventurous at the moment; yet we end up on a longer, much more difficult journey as a result. Learn what you need to learn today so you can do what you want to do tomorrow. Work honestly towards your career instead of advancing through dishonest gain. Invest in the relationships that matter, and reap a wealth of love. Put down those donuts and pick up those running shoes if you really want to get in shape. Stop making excuses about your painful past, and find your way back into a healthy church. 

Most importantly, don't feel bad if you've fallen in the muck and are currently on the wrong road. We've all been there at one time or another. Allow God to wash you off and sprinkle you with his love and forgiveness. "Even if you haven't done what God wants, you're still the one God wants." And remember, He works ALL things for the good of those who love him...eventually you may be able to look back at that rough path you took and laugh at yourself and your foolish choices.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matt 7:13-14

A "Goofy" Success

Have you ever just sucked really badly at something? I mean, you try your hardest but still can't seem to get it right? Me neither, I'm good at everything. (Kidding guys, kidding) Some people pay for lessons, but no training seems to improve their ability to sing, or dance, or cook. It's the most frustrating thing --isn't it?-- when you really attempt to accomplish something, and it just doesn't come easily. 

Two weeks ago, my cousins and I decided to snowboard for the very first time in the Poconos. At the end of our 90 minute lesson, we rode that magic carpet up the bunny slope and I found out that....I suck at snowboarding! I would like to consider myself the athletic type -- or at least, the daring type. I'll try anything once. The problem is, I am also extremely competitive. I'm not even content with competing against people, so much as I enjoy competing against myself. I like to do things well --and when I can't-- I will not relent until I get it right. That wasn't the case 2 weeks ago though. 

My first attempt down the slope, I fell and hurt my tailbone so badly, it left a bruise that lasted over a week. That didn't stop me. I rode my bruised behind right back up that slope with my cousins who seemed to breeze their way down the mountain with ease. My second attempt, I was fearful of landing on my backside again, so when I felt myself losing balance, I dove face forward-- scraping my nose, upper lip, and chin. (No I wasn't wearing snowboarding goggles) You think that would have kept me down? Absolutely NOT! On my third and final try, I fell backwards again and hit the back of my head so hard on what felt like ice. (No, I wasn't wearing a helmet either) That was it for me. I unstrapped my board and walked down the slope --frustrated and defeated-- and in a whole lot of pain!

It is now two weeks later, and I find myself in Colorado on a work trip trying again. My boss is an avid snowboarder. During our previous trips up to the mountains, I was unable to accompany him, as I was recovering from a fractured foot. This time, there was no excuse for me not to join him. How could I turn down the opportunity to glide (or fall) down the Rocky Mountains? So.. terrified, I strapped on those moon-boot looking things, secured my helmet, lowered my goggles, and joined a group of 4 others for another lesson. Turns out, I caught on really quickly after learning that I have what you call "a goofy" stance. (But of course) All that really means is that I ride with my right foot forward on the board, when commonly most people ride in the opposite stance direction. It's comparable to which hand you prefer to write with. If you are a righty, it is usually very difficult to write with your left hand well. So for two weeks I thought I sucked at snowboarding, and the reality was that although I was doing it "the right way", it wasn't the right way for me...

You may find yourself in a very similar position --frustrated and defeated...and maybe even in a lot of pain-- because no matter how hard you try you just can't seem to get it right. Now, I'm not talking about snowboarding anymore. Maybe you are struggling with an addiction or a habit. Maybe you have experienced a heartbreak, and refuse to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to love again. Maybe you are trying to be a better parent or spouse or student. Maybe you are trying to do things like everyone else who seems to be breezing through things that you are struggling with, and you keep stumbling backwards or falling on your face. You have two options-- 1) give up trying because hey, you've already tried so hard --or 2) get off your bruised behind and try again another way. Clearly, doing things the way you're doing them isn't producing any results. It may be uncomfortable at first, or may even seem "goofy", but how about attempting to do things differently? Be committed to make adjustments that will positively impact your life, no matter how difficult it feels at first. Albert Einstein said that "insanity is when you do something over and over again and expect different results." 

Not everything is going to come easily to you -- and maybe you have to make an extra effort to get things right. You are not like everyone else. You are uniquely created, with different quirks, talents and abilities. If you're able to properly equip yourself, pace yourself, and resolve to tackle any challenge with determination and tenacity -- it is more than likely that you will succeed. The question is, do you want to?