Confessions of a Shopaholic (Wants vs. Needs)

So this title is quite misleading; I have no confessions for you today. I'm not a shopaholic at all. I guess I could easily be, but living only a few short blocks from the Queens Center Mall, I've learned to avoid it at all costs. I try my very best to not step through those doors unless I actually need something. (Or unless I'm craving Chipotle, in which case I make a mad dash directly to the food court)

When I do shop, I can be very impulsive, often resulting in feelings of dissatisfaction or much dissonance-- you know, that conflicted feeling where you second guess your purchase choice. Usually when I make an impulsive purchase though, it's because at the very moment I swipe my piece of plastic and punch in my secret four-digit code, I truly feel like I need whatever the item is, and that it will satisfy me in some way. 

I think I may just have an addictive personality. (I guess that's a confession of sorts) I go through phases where I can listen to a song daily on repeat for a month straight, and will not get sick of it. I will buy the same pair of pants in different colors if I fall in love with the style and fit ...and price, of course. While visiting my in-laws on a 10-day trip to Texas, I became addicted to McDonald's soft serve vanilla ice cream. (Don't you judge me!) I had it EVERY DAY of my stay. Sometimes twice a day. (No really, stop judging me!) Of course I justified my actions; I told myself, "Screw it! I'm on vacation!" When I returned to New York, I had to resist satisfying that desire with steadfast determination. I avoided walking into a McDonald's, which happens to be on every other freaking block! Talk about tempting! Geez. I've never really liked McDonald's before, but I awakened a voracious appetite for something that was not good for me...and I wanted it every time I thought about it.

You've bought things that you really wanted even though you knew you didn't really need it, haven't you? We often buy things not because we need it but because we really want it. That desire becomes so strong that we convince ourselves that the want has become a need. There are driving forces that influence our buying decisions --how an item looks, how it makes us feel, or whether or not we believe we deserve it...so we spend unnecessarily and then justify ourselves.  

You've also said or done things you knew were wrong just because you felt like it, haven't you?  We all have. There are driving forces that influence our decisions- lust of the eyes (a craving for things we see), lust of the flesh (a craving for physical pleasure),  and the pride in our achievements or possessions (1 John 2:16 NLT)...so we do things and then justify ourselves.

So many people encourage us to pursue our hearts desires. "Let your heart lead you, baby." My dance teacher used to say, "Do what feels right." 

What may apply to dancing may not be wise for real life decision-making processes. Reality is... 'your heart is deceitful above all things' and it will pursue whatever feels right at the moment. So "above all else, GUARD your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Prov 4:23 NIV). Every decision you make flows from the stirrings and cravings of your heart. Every word you say is an overflow from what is in your heart (Luke 6:45 NLT). What's in your heart today? What is your life producing as a result?

Maybe you feel conflicted and you second guess your actions. You ask yourself "Should I have done that? Is it really even that bad that I did?" Maybe you feel dissatisfied with the way you are spending your time, your money, your emotional energy. Or maybe you still want something you know you don't need, that you know may not be good for you (i.e. a lifestyle, a relationship, a job, an excuse). 

You need to choose to lead your heart, and not let your heart lead you. Don't try and justify yourself. Avoid sin at all costs...the way I avoid the mall, and the way I had to avoid McDonald's for a few weeks. Be intentional.  Be proactive-- flee from temptation. Take the way out that's given to you. You can either be led by your selfish pursuits ...or you can take charge and pursue the will of God for your life. This requires a resolute mind and a steadfast heart. What you think you want will never fully satisfy you. Whatever you need is found in Jesus. 

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a loyal spirit within me" (Ps 51:10 NLT). 


P.S. Pray for me y'all... I'm headed to Texas this week! (Repeats as I log off: "I will not have ice cream everyday... I will not have ice cream everyday...")