Glorious Adventure

"I am on a glorious adventure... riding through the most challenging season of my life. I thought I learned a lot in 2014... Well 2015, you've been my biggest lesson to date, & we've barely made a dent into March! Dealing with the lingering pain of a miscarriage, the exhausting experience of finishing grad school, this bumpy, roller-coaster ride of a  relationship... and through it all, I see purpose. I see my destiny on the horizon and an exhilarating hope for my future. I'm on mission... experiencing unusual miracles, undeserved favor, an increased faith in my God, and an increased grace for people..."

I wrote that in my journal less than a week before I found out that I was pregnant... AGAIN... for the 2nd time this year! Yep, this year...and we are only in June. I am beyond thrilled to announce that I am almost 5 months pregnant, coasting through this 2nd trimester after March's madness and April's puke-fest.

I know it sounds like the fairy tale ending. Woman has miscarriage, and finds out a month later she is carrying a healthy, perfect baby right when she is about to finish grad school. It is an incredible testimony, and brings me so much joy to know that God's thoughts are higher than mine. His ways are better than mine. His plans... perfect! 

We look forward to every appointment-- getting to hear the miracle of our baby's heartbeat, seeing his or her perfect little profile, how much he or she grows each time, and how much of a dancer he or she is during the ultrasounds (just like mommy hehe)!

If you'd allow me to be naked and not ashamed right now though... This process has not been easy. I'm not Superwoman, so it's been difficult and really has hurt. Being sad over a loss, having to pay the pile up of copays during a month that I got paid really late, starting and finishing my thesis for grad school while feeling nauseous and puking often (not realizing that it's because I'm pregnant, not because I was stressed), and struggling with the pain of a strained relationship with someone I love dearly... it was A LOT! It took all of my energy  to not call out of work when all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep and cry. I just had to muster up the energy and courage to get through it all.

There was one verse in particular that moved me through this process. It was Romans 5:3-5 that says, "suffering produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." 

I know firsthand that suffering is real, and things can get hard... REALLY HARD... but I also know that when we don't dwell in a much-desired, well-deserved pity party and PERSEVERE... there's a HOPE in Jesus that does not disappoint. I feel so far removed from that struggle that was so recent, and I am so enveloped in the joy of this season, I almost did not post this. But as I think back to a short month and a half ago, I feel the need to encourage you all to STAND FIRM and PERSEVERE.... have more grace for people... & don't lose faith in God! Your hope will not disappoint.