14 Things I Wish I'd Known Before 2014

2015 is quickly approaching, and I spent the day reading back on my journal for 2014. I must admit I cried to myself, and laughed at myself, while skimming through those pages. I realized that I learned more in these past 365 days about life, about love, about marriage, about people, and about myself than I have in my 27 years of life combined. I hope to one day share those lessons I've learned, but in the meantime....

In light of this day of reflection, I've decided to compile a completely RANDOM (and mostly silly) list of things in my life that I would have done differently this year, and years prior, if I knew then what I know now. 

1- I HATE STRAIGHT!

I HATED my curls when I was younger. My mother and sister have Asian straight hair, so no one at home knew how to tame my mane. I didn't know how to manage my beautiful mess either, so I would straighten my hair often to avoid all the tangles and the frizz. Regrettably, my  hair no longer curls from all the years of putting heat to it...& that has been one of my biggest regrets in life. When I look back at pictures, I always ask myself WHYYY?! People with curly hair want straight hair, and those with straight hair want curly! 

We always want what we don't have. The grass is greener on the other side? No! The grass is greener where you water it. Heed to my warning, you curly-haired babes: DON'T MESS UP YOUR CURLS! (These pics are over 10 years old...don't judge me)

2- Say yes to saying NO!

Sometimes I believe that I am Superwoman. I need to get over myself and my "I got this! I can handle this!" attitude... because I end up super burnt out sometimes. It's ok to say NO! Set boundaries in relationships-- parents, spouses, bosses, friends... it's ok to say "No" to them. Know how much you can handle, and allow yourself only that much. If you don't, all it will do is build up resentment towards others, when you only have yourself to blame for saying YES.  

3- STRAP IT UP!

Put a case on your iPhone. It may be cute and sleek and thin when you first get it, but it's NOT cute when your screen looks like spiderman zapped it.

4- LAUGH WITH THEM, NOT AT THEM!
Never make fun of the sound of someone's laughter. Just about everyone in my family has a ridiculously funny laugh. Both of my parent's laughter is loud and contagious. My sister's laugh, high pitched. Mine-- the silent belly laugh with an occasional knee-slap or the extremely loud, doofy laugh, depending on how funny things are. We would always make fun of each other's laugh, and I have seen how that can really inhibit someone. There are times where I find myself stifling a giggle to avoid awkward stares. My sister does the same. Someone's laughter is their expression of happiness and enjoyment. Laugh with people, not at them.

5- DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING!

Don't make fun of the way someone dances either! How about you mind your business, and grow the balls to get on the dance floor too! Too much? Sorry, not sorry. 

6- DON'T BE A PIG...

...in someone else's house. You can do what you want in your own house, but... I'll leave it at that.

7- VICTORIA'S SECRET WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE!

You know how these cute, model-looking chicks walk around with no bra and it looks just fine? I figured my itty bitties could pull off that look too. Well if I'm honest with you all, it wasn't a look I was trying to pull off... I didn't put on a bra out of sheer laziness. I got up, threw on a sweater, and left my house. Let's just say, no one has ever mentioned to me that there's a such thing as nipple chaffing. Ladies-- we talk about our menstrual cycles and sex and men with each other, but never this!? Well it's a real thing y'all...& it's awful! To the melody of Alicia Keys... "My girls were on fiyaaaaaa. My girls were on fiyaaaaa-aaaa." After working for Victoria's Secret throughout college, I have JUST come to the realization that bras have been created for more reasons than holding them girls up and for your spouse's visual pleasure... What an uncomfortably painful lesson to learn in 2014. 

8- GIVE THINGS THAT YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE...

...like "Thank You's" and "I'm sorry's." 
Acknowledge people's efforts...& THANK THEM. 
Acknowledge your faults...& APOLOGIZE. 

9- DON'T EAT ICE CREAM EVERY MORNING FOR BREAKFAST!

Oh, normal people don't do that?? Well, I guess I'll say something that you may be able to relate to then... Don't eat crap all the time! You will gain weight eventually. Once you're above a certain age, whatever touches your lips eventually goes to your hips... especially if you're Puerto Rican! 

10- JUST DO IT!

I have a really bad habit of not using the bathroom when I have to go. I hate public bathrooms, so I will hold it until I get home or until I can't hold it any longer. (TMI? Oh well!) If you gotta go, GO!

11- STICKS & STONES BREAK BONES...& WORDS DO HURT!

I frequently have found myself in foot-in-the-mouth moments... so I do my best not to say anything at all sometimes. I guess it's a good thing that you almost always know what I am thinking, good or bad. I'm learning that it's all about the delivery. It's ok to say what you mean, just don't say it mean. 

12- MONEY MANAGEMENT!

Live like no one else does now, so you can live like no one else can later. Pay off your debt. Save your money. Be content with the possessions you've worked honestly for. Don't buy unnecessarily to impress people. Don't live above your means.

13- DO SOMETHING NEW!
You want to try a new do? Go for it! What's the worst thing that can happen? You end up hating it? It's hair--it'll grow back! Best case scenario? You'll love it!

14- PAMPER YOURSELF!

If you live in the hustle and bustle of the city life, you may not even realize how fast you're going until you slow down. Take a few hours every week to pamper yourself. Go to a spa. Get a massage. Too expensive? Get a manicure and/or pedicure. That too costly as well? (I know, the struggle is REAL sometimes!) Put on some Kenny G, light some candles, grab your favorite book, and take a nice, hot bubble bath. I'm not talking date night with your boo; I'm talking taking some time for YOU!

Happy New Year!

Why I Love You

When I woke up on the morning of October 22nd, 2004, 

my 16 year old self had NO idea that my life would forever be altered.

Ten years ago today, I met the Love of my Life-- Jesus.

Nine years ago today, I wrote this poem:

WHY I LOVE YOU
If someone asked me why I love You so much,

What would my response be?

I could try to preach or testify

of "What the Lord has done for me!"

I could tell how you came and saved me from drugs,
sex, alcohol, lies-- Made beauty from tragedy!

I could tell of your miracles; the wonders & signs,

How you physically healed me and set me free.

I could tell of Your joy and Your peace and Your love,

All that moved me to seek Your face.

I could tell of Your holiness, Your justice, Your word, 

How I received undeserved mercy and grace.

Yes Lord, I love You for all of Your promises;

For all You will do and all You've done.

& yes God, I'm grateful and eternally indebted

for Your love, for the Cross, for Your Son.

But my love for you is even greater still--

More than how You've changed me and brought me so far.

God, I love you because there's none more real in my life-

Lord, I just love You for who You are.

Scars Don't Hurt

As I reached down to grab my shoes, she released a freshly curled lock of hair from that wretched curling wand. My skin sizzled upon contact with the heat of that stupid metal device. I jumped back, cradling my arm, and did what anyone would do... I screamed!! It wasn't her fault. She didn't know I was going to bend down next to her. It wasn't my fault either. I didn't know she was going to extend her arm with that weapon. I couldn't sit there and play the blame game anyway. I had a task at hand. I had to make sure that this burn did the least amount of damage...so I ran to the bathroom and flushed it under cold water.

Over the last two weeks, I've diligently tended to my second degree burn. I've done everything possible to avoid infection. I've used an antibiotic cream to speed the healing process, and once the open wound fully closes, I will make sure to use vitamin E daily to avoid scarring.

I hate scars! I have barely visible ones on my knees from my tomboy days. I have a few scratch-like scars right above my upper lip from riding my tricycle down the stairs into my backyard, I have a small scar on my inner thigh from colliding with an oncoming bicyclist, and I have a scar on my abdomen from a surgical procedure to close a hernia. My mother is a nurse, and nursed these wounds diligently to where my scars are barely noticeable.

Scars are an obvious reminder to the world that you've been hurt. Although it marks the place you once experienced pain, SCARS DON'T HURT. You can toy with it all you want, think about it, touch it, and it will not be tender. 

It is 15 days later, and I am fully aware that my burn, although it looks much better, is not yet a scar...It is an open wound. During dinner last night, my mother, in the excitement of her storytelling, darted straight for the target with the tips of her fingers and smacked my shoulder about 4 or 5 times to get my attention. It wasn't on purpose. My family is just extremely expressive! Man, it left a lingering sting! This morning, I woke up to the wound itching beyond relief. I reached over to my night table, grabbed the Neosporin, and rubbed it on the wound to alleviate the itch. My burn is still an open wound, and I know that because I still feel the discomfort. 

As I massaged the cream on my arm in my half-awakened state, I began whining to God about my burn and how ugly it looks and how long it would take to close. It was the oddest thing to hear his response in the midst of my pity party. "You are taking the steps you need to take for it to heal properly. It will close soon enough, and it will no longer bother you."

I waited, anticipating more, knowing He was going somewhere with that. 

"You still have an open wound in your heart that you are not tending to though. Examine yourself. It's still irritated. You still feel discomfort. It still hurts. You need to take some steps towards healing that too. You need to forgive that person, and you need to forgive yourself."

Wait, what? 

Jeez.. don't you hate it when God calls you out on things? It means it's time to really deal with it! Apparently, I've taken some steps to avoid making the wound bigger, but I've done nothing to help it heal. I can't keep playing past scenarios in my head and expect it not to stir up emotions. I can't wait for an apology, and expect that I'll feel better only after one. My cousin apologizing for unintentionally burning me did not make my wound heal faster.

You want something to heal properly? You have to take some steps towards your healing too! Yes, God is the ultimate Healer. He takes joy in healing. If we are still cradling our hearts, like I did with my arm, we aren't giving Him the opportunity to begin the healing process. 

You can try and fool yourself that you're not still hurting, and that you're totally fine. Answer these questions honestly: When you think about the person who hurt you, does it still bother you? When you see that person, do you still feel uncomfortable around them? When you hear someone talking nice about them, does it irritate you? When you speak to them, do you find yourself feeling vulnerable or defensive or aggressive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it's likely you're in the same boat as me, and it's time to let go of the wound, deal with the pain, and find healing in His promises. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).

There's a step by step guide for how to deal with a burn... flush it with cold water, put antibiotic creams, avoid sun, etc. What are some of the steps you need to take to heal a wound in your heart? FORGIVE. Forgive the person... whether they hurt you intentionally or unintentionally... whether they asked for forgiveness or not! I heard it said once that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is not for them, it's for YOU! While you are at it, forgive yourself too. 

I've walked this road before. I've found healing after forgiving. I can think about certain people who have caused me immense pain, see them, and even speak to them without any feelings of discomfort, anger or pain. It's time to take the necessary steps to heal not just this burn on my arm, but the open wound in my heart. I can't wait to look back at the barely visible scar in it's place and thank God when it NO LONGER HURTS.